I am a solo child, that is why I grew up 100% with my dear cousins, both sides (mom and dad), back then I am the youngest “pinsan” that is why the older ones took care of me really well… I have several nicknames they gave me, and we used to play with each other a lot (correction: I used to make kulit for them to include me in their “grown up” games). I think this is one of the reasons why most of my friends are older than me, I tend to adapt quickly and maturely without holding back who I really am…

So back then, we have a garden, our “Lolo Cesing” loves to tender plants and flowers, we have Orchids, a mango tree, a Coconut tree, an Atis tree, chili, singkamas, Jackfruit, Banana and several other plants in the flora and fauna collection.

Life is the ultimate-greatest gift from our Creator.. We have been allowed to live and soar the fields of the Earth up to the most of our faith in Him and actions as well…

Destiny is a matter of time, the right time that only He knows when, depending on any circumstances, but I am very much sure, that whatever time that will be, that is the right time…

Now, allow me to link the garden I have mentioned earlier… Allow me to walk you through one part of “my own garden” which is so dear to me.. My own garden of love, love for my family. And in one corner of that “family garden” here, let me describe to you what kind of “flowers” I have which will forever bloom in whatever season there is. These flowers are infinite, they cannot be washed away, nor can be replaced, instead, they can be shared with others without pulling its roots…

One flower called “Lorraine”. Such a beautiful and forever “young”, by heart and by soul. Such a special flower indeed from Vienna, Austria. She was 2 years older than me, and such a close age for my “Ate” wannabe. That is why when she stayed here for two years way back ages ago, we spent lots of times together. “Ate Lorraine, now I know that you can read this clear even though you are far, and can now understand what I am saying like you are just here and never left at all…”

Do you remember that every time you and your parents will come here to visit, we are inseparable. As a kid, you taught me to share everything I have, giving without any selfish interest, and whatever it is that you are having, it is an automatic gesture from you to “make kulit” to your parents to buy another too for me. Lovely. And allow me to refresh your memory with these “kiddie” moments we had:

I remember the same Sesame Street Big Bird Projector movie heads we have (it is still working up until now), the fluffy Teddy bears we have (mine is peach and yours is green). The time that I would always knock on your door and you will let me in, and we will just comb each other’s hair in front of your dresser, then I would always admire your straight black hair. You asked me once what are those colorful mini buttons I have in my head, with the mini butterflies and flowers image on it, and I gave you some too and you loved it. The time that I would always arrange your pencil case, and we would eat your “baon” for you really do not have that much appetite like me.. Then I was so excited when I learned that you will also study for two years here in the Philippines, I was in Kindergarten and you are already in Grade 2. And our lovely older cousins like Kuya Andre, Kuya Edgar, Kuya Roger will fetch us from school… and with our backpacks, we will go home giddy and always cheerful.

I remember that at that very young age, I always look up to your “classy” and finesse way of speaking, eating, walking. You are my first Idol as a “sister”. There are lots of time that I am trying to match your “slow” eating skills, for it seems that you are not taking a bite at all, and as we are eating this hamburger, I kept on glancing at your every single bite, trying to match the size of your remaining piece. And I said to myself “what? we are eating in 10 minutes na and I still cannot swallow mine…” hahaha, that is funny.

Our piano moments where I almost broke yours… (sorry)

Then the “mongo beans” episode too. I guess because of this, my appetite for lively eating grew some more. Tita kept on saying “O tignan mo si Joanne, malakas kumain ng munggo, dapat ikaw rin” so as a kid, I wanted to inspire you as well Ate, so I kept on eating and eating “munggo” with rice beside you trying to catch your attention on food, but you didn’t. Haha

When the nationwide earthquake hit metro manila, we are in your room, and we felt that the bed is shaking so hard that it almost turned sideways, so together, hand in hand, with near-tears, we run as fast as we can downstairs to be with the elders. That is scary.

Times that I also love to peek at your notes, trying to study what you are learning 2 years ahead of me, but I couldn’t.

The way you converse is very “girly”, always polite and shy.. and there I was always pulling you out to share the wonders of laughter.

And can I forget your bangs? and your lovely colorful head bands which we also share? I cannot forget that. My hair is naturally curly, and yours is naturally straight with china bangs in front. You are such a beautiful child and a beautiful person inside and out.

However, when some things happened which I already understood back then, I know you have to leave and go back to Austria. I admire your courage in facing your inner troubles on your own. I am sorry that I cannot be there to match your every day trial with life. If I could only go there and share with you all of my “kiddie” emotions to somehow brighten your day, I would, but, I am just a kid back then so again, my apologies.

When you left, my playtime went back to being with our “kuya’s and ate’s”, no Facebook yet or blogging or email at that time. And little by little, we separated ways, years and each grew in our own distinct world.

So whenever Tita visits here, she would always show me your picture, and tell me stories about you… about your everyday struggle in life and your special “flexibility” in happiness. I admire you for that.

So, now, I know that you are already up there… You are already with Him… sad as it may seem, but I am also happy for you. Because you are now in peace and will forever stand beside us all, most especially beside your mom as guiding angel which will hold and hug her tightly.

You are a wonderful person, even though my memory of you is confined in those given 2 years, me: 4-6 years old and you 5-7 years old. Now, it all came back flooding my memory lane, and I cannot stop it. It seemed so real as if I am just watching a series of VHS tapes taken in those times.

You are a special person, inside and out, to me and to everyone of us. One great and beautiful flower which will forever have that special corner in my garden of life and heart. I know you are reading this as I write, so thank you for taking the time to go here..

Guide your mom there, be her ever guiding light. If the time comes and permits me to visit you there in Vienna, I will stop by gladly at your place and will bring some of the memories we have together as kids.

Writing these is too hard, I never knew that it would be. It took me several hours just to complete this post and I am happy that I was able to.

All of our prayers are with you….I love you beautiful flower Ate Lorraine…